Pre-Game Analysis

I was going to write about baseball, and steroids, and Mark McGwire today. He didn’t make the hall of fame, he’s a Cardinal, and I think the steroid debate is stupid.

But world events preempt THAT discussion until another day.

There’s an important item happening tonight that deserves a bit of pre-game analysis.

My President, George W. Bush, is stepping up to the mic.

Don’t get it twisted, Mister Bush Jr. isn’t MY president because we agree, or because I think he has a firm grasp on either the obvious, or the correct. He’s not even MY president because I voted for him. Even once.

He’s my President, because I am an American. And I believe in the rules of law, and majority. Luckily, I ALSO believe in the Constitution which means I can say he’s incompetent … if I so choose.

For a word-lover like myself, having the Prez step up to the mic is the equivalent of watching ESPN’s “jacked up.”

You non-sports fan should know this is a weekly collection of the most brutal football collisions edited together and ranked from 5 to 1—with #1 being the most violent hit of the week. I LOVE THAT SHIT.

Anyhowanyhow,

So when Mister Bush steps up to the mic, I KNOW that there’s a strong likelihood that the ‘American’ English I love so much … is about to get ‘Jacked Up,’ and its like a train wreck I cannot look away from.

I’ll watch for THAT stuff, but the topic itself is a very serious one. He will be addressing ‘we’, the United Statesians. If the press leaks are accurate, he will be addressing us to explain his new plan what’s starting to feel like an old war.

I could wait until after the speech to give you my thoughts.

Not gonna happen.

I’m gonna tell you RIGHT NOW what I’ll be listening for … aside from the inevitable slaughter of metaphor, simile, analogy, and articulation that I’m all but guaranteed. You listen for whatever it is YOU like to hear, and let’s meet up after to compare notes. I know, I know, it’ll make you miss Survivor, or whatever … but really—people’s lives hinge on the rights and wrongs of speeches like these.

STEW EXPECTS TO HEAR:

1. A summary of how the Iraq war has progressed to this point that doesn’t reflect the history that I WITNESSED.

2. A vague reference or two to the ‘previous administrations’ that ‘created’ this problem in this first place, in spite of the fact that the current administration is about to celebrate it’s sixth birthday

3. A recommendation for adding 20,000 – 50,000 troops to the fight, directly contradicting his earlier notion that he would listen to his generals. In reality, his generals were opposed to this, until he fired them last week, and hired new ones that were able to follow the script. (Gen. Petraus rocks, though … for the record.)

4. A challenge to the newly Democratic congress to ‘go along’ with him, even though this is a Republic, and by his own admission, the general population just gave his party, his ideas, and his approach---specifically to the war---a sound ‘thumpin,’ which indicates that theoretically, he should ‘go along’ with the majority … that being one of those things that would reflect actual democratic behavior.

5. A reminder that this is ‘hard work,’ a ‘tough slog,’ or perhaps a new slogan that will replace those old worn out ones, even though this HASN’T been very hard work for the average member of society who doesn’t have a family member in the military.

6. No mention of how we’re going to pay for this surge. (Do you realize this war is being largely financed by China???)

7. Some ill-defined fantasy about exactly ‘how’ failure in Iraq will come back to haunt the U.S. This is actually a good idea, if only it tended to reflect actual ‘deep thoughts’ … the kind that should’ve happened BEFORE this war.

I’m standing READY to be wrong. We’ll see.


(originally posted 10 Jan 07)
Have a good Wednesday.