Better

Barry Bonds steps up to the plate.

He’s a bad season away from hitting enough balls over enough walls in enough cities, to climb to the top of the home run list.

He is totally ripped, virtually crippled, and apparently pissed.

Nobody wants him to hit a home run.

It’s no proverb for him, he is literally against the world.

The pitcher doesn’t want him to hit a homer. But then, pitchers never do.

The catcher hopes every pitch ends up in his glove. He DEFINITELY doesn’t want Barry to get a stroke. Neither do any of the in-fielders. The outfielders are opposed to it.

As are the umpires, both bullpens—although one would deny it, the fans in every city but his own, the sports writers at every publication, most of the men who have ever paid bills by wearing a glove and swinging a bat at a ball, and many of that most revered special clique known as “hall-of-famers.”

For all of their greatness, he’s done something none of them have done. In the history of the sport, only one other man has faced a pitcher knowing he’s stroked 730 balls beyond the barriers. That other man is Hammering Hank Aaron--baseball phenom, business mogul, civil rights activist, and all around good guy. Hank is against him, too.

And why? Well … there are three reasons.

1. Barry Bonds is an asshole. In your local newspaper, they struggle to find the words to make you understand the primary reason they hate him. The word is asshole. He’s pompous, rude, blunt, disrespectful, sometimes mean, and rarely if EVER cordial. Half the time he won’t speak to the press, and when he does its usually to tell them to “fuck off” in one way or another. Of his sins, THIS is the most unforgivable. It’s the one that will last as his legacy, even if the other things fade away. And at THIS moment, there is NO indication they’re going to fade anytime soon.

2. Can’t quite prove it yet, but conventional wisdom suggests that Mr. Bonds has taken steroids. That would be ‘illegal’ (now) and prove that assholes CAN outperform nice guys like Hank Aaron, and Babe Ruth (wtf????? Might as well throw Ty Cobb in there since we’re talking about ‘nice guys.’) Steroids are ‘bad,’ especially when people you don’t like are taking them.

3. Baseball is a hypocrite. It makes up new rules as it goes along. It refers to itself in the third person. It has more loopholes than the tax code. It is wildly self-important.

For the sake of discussion, I concede that Barry steps up to the plate an angry, crippled, steroid-enhanced, unpopular asshole.

Why am I the only one who thinks … “who gives a shit?” Hit the damn ball, already!

Baseball is a GAME. Its not the source for all of life’s lessons, not the passion played out for public consumption. There is no good or evil on the field. It’s not representative of history, in any real sense—although I DO credit players like the Dodgers Jackie Robinson and the Indians Larry Doby for accepting the jobs that were offered to them. And I credit the teams and their owners for offering the jobs. It’s a GAME. Of COURSE people cheat. It’s a GAME. Anybody wanna step forward with an example of a GAME that’s never had a cheater? Isn’t cheating really part of every game? I digress.

Barry Bonds is different from Hank Aaron in just about every way but one, in terms of being a baseball player.

Barry has more money, a better diet, better medical care, better drugs, better therapy, better coaching, better bats, better uniforms, better baseballs, better fields, better pitchers, better cleats, better pads, better scorekeeping, better financial advisors, better travel arrangements to get to the game, better accommodations once he gets there, better (or at least MORE) coverage of his accomplishments, better representation, “better” EVERYTHING … except talent, which is arguably a tie.

And we’re picking on his STEROIDS?????

Gimme a fucking break.

Barry Bonds steps up to the plate, and even though I stopped watching his sport two strikes ago---I hope he rides that first pitch out of the park.

I hope he shatters Hank Aaron’s home run record.

I hope he continues to be the biggest asshole on the planet.

I hope everybody continues to hate him.

I hope a roomful of sloppy fat sportswriters votes to keep him out of the hall of fame because they don’t want to honor his legacy, WHY?

So every parent who ever takes their kid to the baseball hall of fame will have to explain why there’s an asterisk by every OTHER player’s home run total.

And for the record, rather than just talking shit, if baseball REALLY wanted to keep Bonds from breaking the record, and I mean BASEBALL … the “entity…”

All they have to do is stop pitching to him.

EVER.