There’s this wonderful woman named Lis, whom I’m acquainted with through yahoo 360. She’s a fellow writer, and phenomenal blogger. I read her comments faithfully. Recently she’s taken a stand against what she feels is a growing sentiment.
She says, and I believe her completely, she has come across a number of blogs that speak from the perspective that women are “silly,” and black women perhaps more than most. I believe that I accurately represent her point of view when I say that she believes those comments represent a growing opinion trend, and perhaps reflect an undercurrent of belief that the overall quality of black women is on the decline.
(Lis, if I’ve misstated your position, feel free to correct me. I’ll make any changes that will more accurate reflect what you actually said. I’m hoping to continue your conversation, not mischaracterize it.)
Before I continue, let me say that I unabashedly and completely adore women. I love black women, and white women, all the brown, tan, and beige shades in between. I dig women from Asia, and Latinas, and Eskimo chics, Native American women; and every mixture, cross-pollination, or combination of the above.
I like big ones and tiny ones, Shaquille-tall ones, and micro-mini four footers. I like the way women smell, and taste, and look, and the electricity they generate when they touch me. I particularly like the ways they aren’t like me. And I live for the type of intelligence that they uniquely bring to every conversation. They know things I cannot know, and see things through much more sensitive and well-tuned vision than I’ve ever developed.
Now some ARE definitely silly and have endlessly wasted my time, or brought less than a full deck to the card game. But that’s not because they’re women, that’s because they’re silly or had less than a full deck to play with.
Without question, black women are a part of my identity. The first thing I ever saw was my black mother looking back at me. I was raised by a black woman, married a black woman, divorced a black woman, and have a son by a black woman—who does an amazing job of putting her “mother’s touch” on the heart of the ‘mini-me.’
I read Lis’s words, and found many of them to be absolutely true. But I don’t agree with her overall assessment. I think she throws too big a blanket on the small ideas of some very small men.
I’d like to offer a response to Lis here, but not as a counter in any way. I offer it as the continuation of a conversation. This isn’t a debate at all. She has earned every opinion I’ve ever heard her express. She’s brilliant, and always ‘brings it’ from a very legitimate perspective. She articulates her point of view with grace and passion. I am learning from her. I support her.
I offer an additional perspective for her consideration.
I believe what Lis has correctly, and appropriately put her finger on is the tip of a much bigger iceberg that threatens the relationship between men and women in America.
The internet at any given time is a digital snapshot of the entire country. The gang’s all here. The misogynists, the villains, the perverts, the pimps, the playas, the hos, the liars, the egomaniacs, the pedophiles, the cannibals, the criminals, the freaks, and the “normal” all share this space like an elevator. This is that look inside the houses of strangers. And just like your mama told you when you were a kid … you “can’t eat at everybody’s house.”
The haters are here with the peaceniks, and if you look—you’ll find some absolutely frightening things about murdering black people, or re-killing the Jews, or stopping the power of “the man” through the violent overthrow of the government. Those people are real, their thoughts exist and are communicated every day, and their pages link from one disgusting site to another.
If you get caught in one of those webs, it can become easy to believe that their name is legion, and that they are many. But in truth, they’re not. It’s a few thousand people whose opinion isn’t all that widespread. They’ve learned the art of speaking “loud” as a masturbatory substitute for being right.
I would suggest the same is true of the people who find their pleasure in degrading women.
Their bullshit ideas don’t represent anything more than bullshit men.
I don’t think they’re little boys, I think they’re men. Little boys are males whose ideas and actions can still be easily shaped by external forces. But positive forces haven’t shaped every man. And every man isn’t a good end product. (And if the man you’re with changes at your whim, be careful, you might end up being mommy.)
Lis, I encourage you to just avoid them. The internet is just like a nightclub. Everybody’s got a line, a mating call, and most of them aren’t meant for you. They are looking for something specific, and whatever it is that they’re looking for … exists. If it’s not you, ignore them, and move to the next possibility. The fact that you aren’t a skank, doesn’t mean there aren’t any. Skanks are as real as virtuous women, and there are men who live to seek them out. The mating call for a skank will repulse you, because it’s not for you.
The mating call that is meant for you will appeal to you. It also exists.
There are millions of good men. I know because in addition to belonging to that club, I converse with men all the time that I would allow to date my younger sister without hesitation.
I’m not a skull-cracker, or thug. I’ve done a few thuggish things in my life, and usually felt bad doing them, and regretted them shortly after.
I’ve hurt a few people, both physically and emotionally.
And I’ve been hurt a few times, physically and emotionally.
With age and experience, boys become men. Where they are at the moment of that transition is more often than not where they stay. And what they’ve experienced is often what they will identify as their preference, and work to perpetuate.
Flower-senders will have that habit forever. As will batterers.
If you are looking for real men, I encourage you to continue that search.
There is plenty of chaff with the wheat. Toss it up, and let the chaff float away. The wheat will land, harvest it.
I wish you well, my friend.
She says, and I believe her completely, she has come across a number of blogs that speak from the perspective that women are “silly,” and black women perhaps more than most. I believe that I accurately represent her point of view when I say that she believes those comments represent a growing opinion trend, and perhaps reflect an undercurrent of belief that the overall quality of black women is on the decline.
(Lis, if I’ve misstated your position, feel free to correct me. I’ll make any changes that will more accurate reflect what you actually said. I’m hoping to continue your conversation, not mischaracterize it.)
Before I continue, let me say that I unabashedly and completely adore women. I love black women, and white women, all the brown, tan, and beige shades in between. I dig women from Asia, and Latinas, and Eskimo chics, Native American women; and every mixture, cross-pollination, or combination of the above.
I like big ones and tiny ones, Shaquille-tall ones, and micro-mini four footers. I like the way women smell, and taste, and look, and the electricity they generate when they touch me. I particularly like the ways they aren’t like me. And I live for the type of intelligence that they uniquely bring to every conversation. They know things I cannot know, and see things through much more sensitive and well-tuned vision than I’ve ever developed.
Now some ARE definitely silly and have endlessly wasted my time, or brought less than a full deck to the card game. But that’s not because they’re women, that’s because they’re silly or had less than a full deck to play with.
Without question, black women are a part of my identity. The first thing I ever saw was my black mother looking back at me. I was raised by a black woman, married a black woman, divorced a black woman, and have a son by a black woman—who does an amazing job of putting her “mother’s touch” on the heart of the ‘mini-me.’
I read Lis’s words, and found many of them to be absolutely true. But I don’t agree with her overall assessment. I think she throws too big a blanket on the small ideas of some very small men.
I’d like to offer a response to Lis here, but not as a counter in any way. I offer it as the continuation of a conversation. This isn’t a debate at all. She has earned every opinion I’ve ever heard her express. She’s brilliant, and always ‘brings it’ from a very legitimate perspective. She articulates her point of view with grace and passion. I am learning from her. I support her.
I offer an additional perspective for her consideration.
I believe what Lis has correctly, and appropriately put her finger on is the tip of a much bigger iceberg that threatens the relationship between men and women in America.
The internet at any given time is a digital snapshot of the entire country. The gang’s all here. The misogynists, the villains, the perverts, the pimps, the playas, the hos, the liars, the egomaniacs, the pedophiles, the cannibals, the criminals, the freaks, and the “normal” all share this space like an elevator. This is that look inside the houses of strangers. And just like your mama told you when you were a kid … you “can’t eat at everybody’s house.”
The haters are here with the peaceniks, and if you look—you’ll find some absolutely frightening things about murdering black people, or re-killing the Jews, or stopping the power of “the man” through the violent overthrow of the government. Those people are real, their thoughts exist and are communicated every day, and their pages link from one disgusting site to another.
If you get caught in one of those webs, it can become easy to believe that their name is legion, and that they are many. But in truth, they’re not. It’s a few thousand people whose opinion isn’t all that widespread. They’ve learned the art of speaking “loud” as a masturbatory substitute for being right.
I would suggest the same is true of the people who find their pleasure in degrading women.
Their bullshit ideas don’t represent anything more than bullshit men.
I don’t think they’re little boys, I think they’re men. Little boys are males whose ideas and actions can still be easily shaped by external forces. But positive forces haven’t shaped every man. And every man isn’t a good end product. (And if the man you’re with changes at your whim, be careful, you might end up being mommy.)
Lis, I encourage you to just avoid them. The internet is just like a nightclub. Everybody’s got a line, a mating call, and most of them aren’t meant for you. They are looking for something specific, and whatever it is that they’re looking for … exists. If it’s not you, ignore them, and move to the next possibility. The fact that you aren’t a skank, doesn’t mean there aren’t any. Skanks are as real as virtuous women, and there are men who live to seek them out. The mating call for a skank will repulse you, because it’s not for you.
The mating call that is meant for you will appeal to you. It also exists.
There are millions of good men. I know because in addition to belonging to that club, I converse with men all the time that I would allow to date my younger sister without hesitation.
I’m not a skull-cracker, or thug. I’ve done a few thuggish things in my life, and usually felt bad doing them, and regretted them shortly after.
I’ve hurt a few people, both physically and emotionally.
And I’ve been hurt a few times, physically and emotionally.
With age and experience, boys become men. Where they are at the moment of that transition is more often than not where they stay. And what they’ve experienced is often what they will identify as their preference, and work to perpetuate.
Flower-senders will have that habit forever. As will batterers.
If you are looking for real men, I encourage you to continue that search.
There is plenty of chaff with the wheat. Toss it up, and let the chaff float away. The wheat will land, harvest it.
I wish you well, my friend.
No comments:
Post a Comment