Timeframe, 2007. The Bush administration is coming to a close, and if there is a tear being shed ANYWHERE for that, its happening either in a Corporate boardroom, or in a basement somewhere that hasn't been touched by the arrogance, incompetence, and blindly moronic path we've been led down.
Those basements are hard to find.
The nation is struggling with a combination of vitriolic dislike for a President too detached to be believed, and apparently too arrogant to just admit that "yeah, I fucked this one up, too," AND the broken promise of some symbolic return to a distant morality that no one can actually remember, but everyone wants to believe in, because the last five years have turned our collective conscience into a sucking chest wound.
And the new wannabes and Junior do-gooders have already lined up and stated their positioning statements, but wait ... wait, what's that on the horizon?
It's the rebirth of the pussy move.
Al Gore's no moron. He knows people (like me) regret not voting for the stiff (even though I didn't vote for the moron, either) and he wants to suck at the teat of sympathy while we beg and plead for a real leader.
His method? A movie, a series of lectures, and his second book in as many years.
Sir, if you're not going to help out--please stay the fuck off the stage. We're actually having a crisis right now, and if you're not here to roll up your sleeves and fight, I speak for at least three or four of us when I say with all the respect I can muster up ...
"I get it, the planet is heating up/cooling down, and to YOU that's the biggest crisis we have going, a four-alarm fire, I think you called it. Well, truth be told, unless the planet's going to EXPLODE between now and 2008, I'd rather focus on getting all of my friends out of Iraq, because I'd rather be watching ESPN with them when the planet DOES in fact explode, than still inexplicably jumping a little bit every time the phone rings late at night because I'm afraid its going to be somebody calling to tell me that ______ just got hit by an IED."
Besides, if you KNOW that you have the most experience this side of Gov. Bill Richardson, and you know he CAN'T win the race (because he can't figure out if he's a fing Red Sox or Yankees fan, for crissake), but you STILL won't play ball ... you're potentially something WORSE than a demogogue.
I've lost close games before, and I admit that it hurts ... BAD.
I cannot imagine how embarrassing and painful it must be to lose a multi-million dollar Presidential campaign on a technicality. I support a man's need to nurse his wounds, AND his ego. But humor me, and do that shit in private.
Don't show up to critique the current administration--I actually don't need your insight to figure out they're running my country into the ground. I don't need to hear your thoughts on the panel of people who opine on "what we should have done."
I don't really care about your ego. I'm just a bit thirsty for that feeling I get when the geeksquad shows up to fix my computer. They bring me a calming confidence that the smart guys are here to rub some brainpower on the problem. When their beetle shows up, I know my problem is being addressed by experts who aren't going to sleep very well until everything is restored to normal.
Nationally, I just want some smart, honest people to hash it out in a back office somewhere over finger food and Dasani, or Perrier, or whatever smart honest, people are drinking these days. And then, I want one of them to come out in front of the microphones connected to all seven of my 24/7 "news" channels and explain the solution with complicated sentences, using words I have to look up--because that's when I know the speaker is smarter than me.
My current President hasn't sent me scrambling for a dictionary for a definition even ONCE ... (although there WAS my usage question about "decider" ... and I digress.)
Mr. Gore, if you're not up to this, it's cool. I understand. Just exit stage right, and show up again AFTER campaign season. You're making my head hurt, AND ... you're making me think you're a pussy.
And what I've learned is that I can't afford anymore.
Peace,
--Stew.
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