I am agnostic.
Allow me to define what I mean by the term, because labels are convenient oversimplifications, and belief is a very nuanced thing.
After decades of being taught about religion, and God; and years more of studying, thinking, praying, and meditating on my own, I’ve arrived at the (hopefully temporary) conclusion that I don’t know whether or not God exists.
I’ve read apologetics that demand belief in the idea, and treatises that explained the existence of a deity away. I’ve found both to have resounding logic in some areas. I’ve also found both to require a tremendous amount of faith. I lost that sort of faith a long time ago. Finally, I have some resolution.
I don’t know.
Not, "I’m right and you’re wrong." Not "I KNOW because I can feel it." Not "it’s true (or false)" because some preacher, saint, or sinner has convinced me. Not even, "this is so obvious I believe it because nothing else makes sense."
My resolution at this time is much more basic and fundamental than any of that.
I don’t know.
I study, I believe I’m learning, I even care DEEPLY about the answer. I think its important. I think it matters. I think there IS an answer. But ...
I don’t know
what that answer is.
Religious zealots and avowed atheists are the same in their insistence that I have to pick a team.
I don’t have to pick a side, and I won’t until I’m ready.
I cast my lot with the ignorant.
I don’t know.
Whenever I start down the road of thinking about the events that cemented me here, I end up reaffirming my belief that its ok that I don’t know.
It’s ok with me for one simple reason.
I don’t believe that you know either.
I concede your faith, I acknowledge that you’ve settled on an answer that satisfies you and meets all of your needs. But I require more.
I don’t scratch unless I itch. I don’t dance unless I hear music. I don’t laugh unless I think it’s funny. And I don’t say I know when I don’t.
The "Jesus freaks," as I endearingly call them, insist that if I don’t accept their Lord as my Savior, then I’ve picked the side of Satan.
Guess what. I’m not so sure about him either.
It’s not a binary function. I can choose Christ, Buddha, metaphysics, Hinduism, Islam or Wicca. In fact, I can select parts and pieces if I choose. I can have all, some, or none. I can mix and match if I want to.
Its not even a matter of there being "two sides to every story" for me. I believe there are infinite sides to every story. The two sides, are just extremes. The people who insist on that theory are extremISTS. And in the view I’ve chosen, the people who believe there’s only ONE side ... are idiots.
There, I said it.
I said it because its one of very few things I believe.
Now that its good and murky for you. Let me go a little bit deeper.
I like church.
I think church is one of those rituals that has a very important place in the human psyche. But I don’t go.
Why?
Simple. Because the people that talk to me at church are annoying. They irritate me, with their self-righteous know-it-allness.
They feel too entirely comfortable asking me questions that are entirely none of their business, and then judging the "type" of person I am by the shallow-assed answers I give them to their entirely sophomoric, or worse, elementary questions.
They never answer the questions I ask in return. That quickly devolves into some idiotic discussion of things I have to take on "faith." Which I’m starting to believe very few of them actually understand.
The rare time I’m at church, it isn’t because I want to be converted. Its because I’m too simple to think I’m the most important or powerful force in the universe. Both nature and faith are much bigger than I am. And even though I don’t know the answer yet, some days, I want the feeling of acknowledging the fact of their tremendous breadth, width, and depth. On about half of those days, I go to church. Most other times, I go outside, or to my local pub.
I don’t go because it’s your "visitor’s" day.
I won’t go because you ask me to.
I can’t go because I believe that what’s happening there is in any way tied to my "salvation."
I go because I want to.
Again, its that simple.
For the record, I find atheists just as annoying.
Their haughty insistence that humankind appeared on the scene without any external factors is almost as nonsensical to me. And their insistence that they "know" there is no God sounds a lot like the same drivel I get at church, minus the sit/stand/kneel/pay routine.
I really like sermons, though. The very good ones are motivational speeches without the Zig Ziglar-ish oiliness. Most of the time, I learn something. More often than not, I get a lot of useful methods and interesting anecdotes from them.
I REALLY like T.D. Jakes. I don’t like Dallas, so I don’t plan to ever attend his church, but if he ever needs a donation for a worthy cause, I’ll chip in.
He’s a scholar, and his words demonstrate that he’s spent a significant amount of time actually studying the principles he’s espousing and extracting something meaningful from the texts he’s chosen to expound on that will benefit his audience in some way.
That’s more than a talent. It’s a gift.
I have a tremendous amount of respect for that.
There are others.
I put Henry Wright in the same category. If you ever want to hear a useful sermon, from a man who’s done his research, you should find yourself in his congregation, at Community Praise Center in Alexandria, Virginia on a Saturday morning.
The people may annoy you, but ignore them. They portend to mean well.
I always end up here when I think about Guam. August, 1997.
I suppose its my brain still trying to make some sense of what I saw. I’ve let the process work itself out internally for long enough now. I don’t think anyone actually reads blogs, so this seems a cheap and reasonable alternative to more very expensive therapy.
I’m not trying to make converts. So please don’t bother to tell me that I’m right, or that I’m wrong. This isn’t about you. These are my thoughts. I’ve earned them, fought them, and intend to let them continue until they reach their conclusion, or I die...whichever comes first.
If some doctrinal tenet REQUIRES you to respond, start with the ANSWER and PROOF to this question.
"How do YOU know?"
Since your response is uninvited, assume I’ll be somewhat hostile. It’s also true that I will listen to you, and probe your answer. If you’re sure, your better bet is to write it down, copywrite it, and sell it to the masses. They need it, are looking for it, and want it.
I don’t.
I’m having fun without you. I study history, particularly the history of religion ... and THAT is more fulfilling than any year-long course on your twisted version of "truth."
It’s biased, infinite, multi-faceted, and well-documented by passionate people who wanted to get their side of the story out.
But they rarely annoy me. They don’t have that scent of know-it-all on their breath. They don’t nag me about my bad habits, or expect me to accept a dinner invitation. They write down their thoughts in a book, give it a title that catches my attention, and leave it to me to buy or catch it in the library.
If you ever want to talk about THAT ... I’m all in.
Until then,
I’m agnostic.
I don’t know.
Allow me to define what I mean by the term, because labels are convenient oversimplifications, and belief is a very nuanced thing.
After decades of being taught about religion, and God; and years more of studying, thinking, praying, and meditating on my own, I’ve arrived at the (hopefully temporary) conclusion that I don’t know whether or not God exists.
I’ve read apologetics that demand belief in the idea, and treatises that explained the existence of a deity away. I’ve found both to have resounding logic in some areas. I’ve also found both to require a tremendous amount of faith. I lost that sort of faith a long time ago. Finally, I have some resolution.
I don’t know.
Not, "I’m right and you’re wrong." Not "I KNOW because I can feel it." Not "it’s true (or false)" because some preacher, saint, or sinner has convinced me. Not even, "this is so obvious I believe it because nothing else makes sense."
My resolution at this time is much more basic and fundamental than any of that.
I don’t know.
I study, I believe I’m learning, I even care DEEPLY about the answer. I think its important. I think it matters. I think there IS an answer. But ...
I don’t know
what that answer is.
Religious zealots and avowed atheists are the same in their insistence that I have to pick a team.
I don’t have to pick a side, and I won’t until I’m ready.
I cast my lot with the ignorant.
I don’t know.
Whenever I start down the road of thinking about the events that cemented me here, I end up reaffirming my belief that its ok that I don’t know.
It’s ok with me for one simple reason.
I don’t believe that you know either.
I concede your faith, I acknowledge that you’ve settled on an answer that satisfies you and meets all of your needs. But I require more.
I don’t scratch unless I itch. I don’t dance unless I hear music. I don’t laugh unless I think it’s funny. And I don’t say I know when I don’t.
The "Jesus freaks," as I endearingly call them, insist that if I don’t accept their Lord as my Savior, then I’ve picked the side of Satan.
Guess what. I’m not so sure about him either.
It’s not a binary function. I can choose Christ, Buddha, metaphysics, Hinduism, Islam or Wicca. In fact, I can select parts and pieces if I choose. I can have all, some, or none. I can mix and match if I want to.
Its not even a matter of there being "two sides to every story" for me. I believe there are infinite sides to every story. The two sides, are just extremes. The people who insist on that theory are extremISTS. And in the view I’ve chosen, the people who believe there’s only ONE side ... are idiots.
There, I said it.
I said it because its one of very few things I believe.
Now that its good and murky for you. Let me go a little bit deeper.
I like church.
I think church is one of those rituals that has a very important place in the human psyche. But I don’t go.
Why?
Simple. Because the people that talk to me at church are annoying. They irritate me, with their self-righteous know-it-allness.
They feel too entirely comfortable asking me questions that are entirely none of their business, and then judging the "type" of person I am by the shallow-assed answers I give them to their entirely sophomoric, or worse, elementary questions.
They never answer the questions I ask in return. That quickly devolves into some idiotic discussion of things I have to take on "faith." Which I’m starting to believe very few of them actually understand.
The rare time I’m at church, it isn’t because I want to be converted. Its because I’m too simple to think I’m the most important or powerful force in the universe. Both nature and faith are much bigger than I am. And even though I don’t know the answer yet, some days, I want the feeling of acknowledging the fact of their tremendous breadth, width, and depth. On about half of those days, I go to church. Most other times, I go outside, or to my local pub.
I don’t go because it’s your "visitor’s" day.
I won’t go because you ask me to.
I can’t go because I believe that what’s happening there is in any way tied to my "salvation."
I go because I want to.
Again, its that simple.
For the record, I find atheists just as annoying.
Their haughty insistence that humankind appeared on the scene without any external factors is almost as nonsensical to me. And their insistence that they "know" there is no God sounds a lot like the same drivel I get at church, minus the sit/stand/kneel/pay routine.
I really like sermons, though. The very good ones are motivational speeches without the Zig Ziglar-ish oiliness. Most of the time, I learn something. More often than not, I get a lot of useful methods and interesting anecdotes from them.
I REALLY like T.D. Jakes. I don’t like Dallas, so I don’t plan to ever attend his church, but if he ever needs a donation for a worthy cause, I’ll chip in.
He’s a scholar, and his words demonstrate that he’s spent a significant amount of time actually studying the principles he’s espousing and extracting something meaningful from the texts he’s chosen to expound on that will benefit his audience in some way.
That’s more than a talent. It’s a gift.
I have a tremendous amount of respect for that.
There are others.
I put Henry Wright in the same category. If you ever want to hear a useful sermon, from a man who’s done his research, you should find yourself in his congregation, at Community Praise Center in Alexandria, Virginia on a Saturday morning.
The people may annoy you, but ignore them. They portend to mean well.
I always end up here when I think about Guam. August, 1997.
I suppose its my brain still trying to make some sense of what I saw. I’ve let the process work itself out internally for long enough now. I don’t think anyone actually reads blogs, so this seems a cheap and reasonable alternative to more very expensive therapy.
I’m not trying to make converts. So please don’t bother to tell me that I’m right, or that I’m wrong. This isn’t about you. These are my thoughts. I’ve earned them, fought them, and intend to let them continue until they reach their conclusion, or I die...whichever comes first.
If some doctrinal tenet REQUIRES you to respond, start with the ANSWER and PROOF to this question.
"How do YOU know?"
Since your response is uninvited, assume I’ll be somewhat hostile. It’s also true that I will listen to you, and probe your answer. If you’re sure, your better bet is to write it down, copywrite it, and sell it to the masses. They need it, are looking for it, and want it.
I don’t.
I’m having fun without you. I study history, particularly the history of religion ... and THAT is more fulfilling than any year-long course on your twisted version of "truth."
It’s biased, infinite, multi-faceted, and well-documented by passionate people who wanted to get their side of the story out.
But they rarely annoy me. They don’t have that scent of know-it-all on their breath. They don’t nag me about my bad habits, or expect me to accept a dinner invitation. They write down their thoughts in a book, give it a title that catches my attention, and leave it to me to buy or catch it in the library.
If you ever want to talk about THAT ... I’m all in.
Until then,
I’m agnostic.
I don’t know.
(originally posted 15 Jan 06)
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