Real People

Sometimes I forget that “we” are very real people.

I met her at a restaurant near my house. We’d chatted back and forth on yahoo for a few months. She was from the South, and fun to chat with. Online, our conversations traveled that familiar path just about every online friendship I’ve developed has meandered.

They start with a comment somewhere. Her saying “I like the way you write,” or me leaving a “wow, you’re sexy,” and her asking “what’s fun to do in D.C?”

It progressed to us comparing notes about online communities we remembered, or had participated in--blackplanet, old-school yahoo back in the chat room days, hi5, AFF, the same ones YOU still have profiles languishing in.

We traded pics and smiles, and thousands and thousands of words. I’m sure I still have her telephone number on a scrap of paper somewhere. We may have spoken there a few times, but our preference was to talk here, in little yellow boxes

We talked about those parts of marriage that suck, how mine crumbled, and the challenges hers seemed to be facing. From what I gathered it was in one of those weird stages somewhere between unhappiness, separation and divorce.

I never really prodded, and we eventually moved away from that particular serious topic.

She worked with, and loved kids. I was struggling to find the most effective way to incorporate my son into my life. She gave me some very good advice that I’ve used, and had great success with.

And we chatted.

And then one day she was sitting in a restaurant near my house. And she called.

I was working a big project that day, so I was late.

That’s not unusual, I work on a completely different method of time than the rest of the world. I rarely focus on what time something “is…” just where it fits into my priorities at a given moment. There is a moment when that thing is the most important thing I am aware of that requires my presence, and at THAT moment … I do it.

So, I was late.

But I called, and explained the situation, and she waited.

I eventually arrived. She was there with a couple. One was her friend, the other a chat buddy her friend was meeting for the first time.

I had a beer, she had a fruity drink, and we talked.

Here’s what I’ve learned about meeting good chat buddies in real life. When it works, those first conversations are sheer joy. You already “know” the person on a much different level, and there’s a LOT less bullshit to go around. This was one of those conversations.

The other couple was in their own little world.

And we talked.

We laughed a bit, cleared up a couple of misunderstandings.

And we talked.

There were discussions about future meetings, nothing concrete, nothing that I would’ve been ashamed of, or regretted on any level. Nothing my mother couldn’t have listened to, minus a couple of details.

Just conversation about us creating another chance to talk.

The visit ended.

There was a hug, a smile, and a moment where we both silently considered saying the words that would make the visit longer. Neither did.

I went home.

She went home.

The chats continued. Good ones.

And then one day, her light didn’t come on. Then it was a week, and a month.

I just didn’t see her around anymore.

That’s not unusual, maybe her relationship healed, maybe she’d moved on to other things, maybe I’d said something to offend her.

When you live your life as Stew, all of those things are possibilities.

I occasionally thought of her when the boy Prince and I were doing something together, encouraged at least in part by her words of wisdom.

I saw her … in the online sense, once again. Surfing through 360, I ran across a page titled with the name she always used. Same hometown, same age, and a line that could have only come from her.

I left a comment.

And heard nothing.

Until last night.

Returning home from a week away on business, I had a few messages to go through. One was from a woman I didn’t recognize … at first.

I opened it, and she reintroduced herself as the friend who’d been at the restaurant, and asked if I remembered her.

I most certainly do.

The purpose of her message was to tell me that my chat buddy died in a car accident some time ago.

What a strange place for the sadness to creep in.

Peaceful journey

… my friend.

Sometimes I forget that “we” are very real people.


Peace,

--Stew.